a hero has risen on this campus; one who will rival all in his path to righteousness and personal as well as global salvation. his name will remain undisclosed, even though the majority of the people at this school already know who he is. i am talking about none other than -The Babo Slasher.

Last weekend i was at a party(gasp) that was abruptly and forcefully broken up by Babo(gasp #2), and they looked a little more pissed off than usual. i was standing in the hall with a beer, spiting them (as i am 21 and allowed to do so), and they were grilling two non-babson students about some shit that it clearly looked like they didnt do. Apparently, someone, in a divine act that would part the sea of campus spirit, slashed several of babos tires.

think, you fucking dumbass cops. why the fuck would non-babson students slash the tires of a police car? kids hate this place, and more specifically, they have beef with your donut crusted asses due to previous experiences. yes, look at me, im a non-babo student, oh look, i just happen to have something sharp enough to penetrate thick rubber, and i just happen to want to slash some cop tires. get a goddamn clue!!! i would befriend those non-babos like it was my job in order to try and figure out which student did it.

the assfucks then had the audacity to say “but if theres an emergency, and were needed, how are we going to get there?”… you have to be joking. i konw that your legs might break if you used them all of a sudden from muscle deprivation due to sitting, eating, and living in a ford explorer for 5 years striaght, but jesus christ, maybe you can WALK? and its not like theres 4 other babo cars that can go there to help if something acctually happened.

fire half of all babos, and give them bikes. that would certainly solve alot of problems.

second, fire trish gordino. as much as babo sucks at life and are rude, worthless, egotistic, and wayyyy to into their job, they do take orders from someone. that someone is trish. she should perish. LIGHTEN UP and let us have some fucken fun. god im bored. im busy all day, from 10 am, to 10 pm doing shit, allll day. and im still bored.

slashing babos tires gave me a devlishly rebellious idea. throw a party, but right before, slash allll of babos tires, and then BLOW THE FUCKER UP (the party). babos obviously too lazy to walk to the party, theyll be sitting outside their cars scratching their heads waiting for the tow truck to come, being like ‘shit, i wish that tow truck would get here soon so i can go bust these kids trying to have fun’.

honestly, who takes a job being like ‘i cant wait to make kids miserable’. thats fucking sadistic. were not breaking any more laws/rules than a big state school. what do you think they do there? they let everyone drink, bc the parties are so massive, they cant do shit. theyre taking advantage of our size, and its fucked up. i say, slash babos tires every chance you get. carry a knife, make them not want to go anywhere. fuckers, bring on the riot gear.