So I’ve been hearing lots of buzz about our praised Babson Slasher, but in our amazement and celebration, we have forgotten to consider the consequences. There have been numerous reports circulating that from now until the Slasher us caught, that our beloved officers of safety, will now be shutting down every party they find…. WHILE ON PATROL! Yes brothers and sisters, they’re patroling to find your party, hoping to find the Slasher amongst your ranks, and when they don’t, they’re shutting you down. No more partying, no more fun, and one hell of a time with dealing with the morons in the Office of Campus Life for the strike that Babo has now so bitterly bestowed upon you. The message Babo is sending: The Slasher is so dangerous while at large, that no one can party and take risks.

Excuse me, but I seem to be unable to find the polite way of saying “Fuck you, you lying rat bastards!” Babo got punked. Simply put, that and that alone. They’re too strict. They cause the miserable depressing excuses for the social lives we have here on campus. One can only assume that our Slasher patroling, donut rolling, officers of buzzkill will be looking for loud music as a sign of social life. As they will be trying to kill all social life, we should give them more than they can handle.

Tonight, and the rest of the weekend, do this when you leave your room. Put on all the loud and obnoxious party music you have, and turn it up so it bumps. Let them enjoy chasing nothing but noise.

Brothers and Sisters,
Leave loudly and go in peace,

The good Reverend Esby