My brothers and sisters, today I bring to you an awakening. For this wonderful spring break, I’ve spent my time quite far from our home. Armed with a BMX bike, some headphones, and enough booze to knock Mike Tyson on his ass, I’ve explored and enjoyed this week here at Penn State. As a sidenote, I am not a religous man by the mainstream definitions. I guess you could say I believe in one thing…. the socially inevitable chaos of anarchy and revolution. Now before you write me off for my political views, remember that this is a site about one school and not about America’s idiocracy. But back to the point of this entry.

As follow up from an exchange of comments from my first post (“Taking the Pulpit”), let me share with you what I’ve seen. First off, I’ve been privelaged to live in a real frat house during this week. 40 guys in a fuckin mansion and an annual account of $16,000 just for booze. This is absolute truth. Their dues include $400 a person just to cover your alcoholism for a whole year. 3 pledges deliver papers to your door every morning by 7 am, and they return at 6 pm to clean the house. Clean is only a relative term though. When I said mansion, it is purely a reference to the size of the house and by no means implies any level of cleanliness or elaborate living conditions. The smell of the bathrooms could be described as something like a 3rd day unflushed urinal or some stray dog who just escaped the pits of septic treatment plant, but I’m just gonna leave that one at that as I fear going any further could cause me to finally empty my stomach in this hungover state. The residents are all healthy alcoholics though and no one seems to mind the fact that you feel like you need another shower as soon as you step out. You just don’t take your shoes off unless you’re on carpet.

Whats best about this place, is that just about anything goes with these boys. Upon my arrival on St. Patricks day, I walked into the beer soaked dining room to 3 regulation size beer pong tables, beautiful women, and some rowdy ass mother fuckers. My buddy just enjoyed watching my head spin at what was going on. My first introduction to one of his brothers is a perfect example of how socially deprived Babson is. We’re standing next to the food table when this big ass dude runs up, and jumps on the table, throws his arms in the air, and proceeds to slam down a beer and lets out his drunken battle cry of the infamous “WHOOOOO!” He would have sent everything flying if it wasn’t for the contracted 35 year old female cook who responded quickly and kept the table steady. “That’s Wes. You’ll get along well with him; fights just seem to find him,” says my buddy. Indeed Wes and I have had some great times. I can’t even remember most of this week, but all I know is that its been one drunken debauchery filled good time. These boys honestly live what I expected to find at college. Things are just so outta control here! Parties have great ratios, theres plenty of space, enough booze to last all the way to the morning, and everyone talks to just about anyone. Last night for example, my buddy introduces me to this beautiful girl named Gina. She then proceeds to parade me around to all of her sorority sisters for some drunken introductions and cheek kissing… mostly. I ain’t braggin, but the point is that every single living human being here who drinks at all, is so much better off than we are at Babson. Not one day has passed that I have not said, “Man, I went to the wrong school. Can I transfer?”

No party has been broken up. The frat is on alcohol proabtion but that doesn’t stop the social scene. I haven’t seen a cop outside of their car. I can always get a beer and I’m pretty sure that this little to no stress life makes the women even more beautiful.

Oh, and by the way, they require a C avg for graduation, but there is no curve. NONE!

So, “Me”, hows that look to you? Did I pop your bubble of safety and hard work? Excuse me, but to whoever “Me” is, I have only one last thing to say. Fuck you and don’t ever fucking question my credibility. You are a fucking dumb ass and I don’t care where you’re from but if I find out, I’ll be sure to shit in your cereal again.

With the deepest sincerity and honesty,
Reverend Esby