I was recently thinking about an experience I had at Babson about a week before break. As most of you students are probably aware, much of the Babson student population are from other countries. That is why a conversation I recently had with a fellow student troubles me.

One night I’m doing some work when a girl comes up to me and asks if you have to leave by 8 on the Saturday of the last final at Babson. She looked somewhat frustrated and I asked her what was wrong. She told me that there were no flights to her country that Saturday and that she could only get a flight the following day. She was able to find someone to stay with for a night but to be quite honest that seems totally inconsiderate of Babson to not accommodate her. I’m not trying to bash anyone who helps run Babson yet to make management aware of this situation. I know Babson has a hotel, perhaps they could give a student a room there until the next plane arrives.

I wanted to say a few things:

Merry Fucking Christmas.
Santa, where are you and where the fuck is my video iPod and PS3?
And lastly what up to all my homies with dreidels. Mazel Tov.

I wrote to college campus because I have been seeing two away messages that capture Babson. The messages are, “Here’s to you stressed out college kid during finals week stuck in your little cubical doped up on aderal and a Starbucks….” and F.uck I N.ever L.earned T.his S.hit = Finals? On point!!!!

Babson drives you crazy during finals because of the following.

1. YOU WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO TAKE AWAY THE 24 HR. LAB. This was our home, Babson. I remember, when I was a Sophomore into my 3rd day that I was awake with my first 15 pager due. I had a Busch Light and my books scattered in the 24 hr. lab. People poured in and out, working on each others frantic energy. It was beautiful. It is what made this school a college. We loved it. Everyone pour one for the 24 hr. lab and always remember smoke mat stoggs right by the entrance so that everyone who walks by can also take it to the lung.

2. TWO DAY READING PERIODS ARE WEAK. If you really want to foster the best performance give us enough time to get belligerent and then study. We need at least 6 days. 3 1/2 days for drinking, 2 days for recovery, then the 5th for cramming. Let’s be honest, most of us pretend we are studying. We sit with our books at Babson parties that are groups of 2+ students who are both on labtops but still able to claim that they are hanging out with each other. My point being, we really get nothing done till it’s crunch time. Two days are weak.

3. GRADES ARE IRRELEVANT. I got my first Babson A this semester. Finally, I was not being judged by this bureaucratic attendance policy but evaluated based on academic exchanges and the passion that I felt for business. Umm, there was a little bullshit but to the credit of the Professor, he was dope. I really never liked going to class here. Listen kids, if you haven’t gotten a D that stands for degree, passed to the right, played ruit, downed a shot of henessy, jack, or tequila, YOU HAVEN’T LIVED. Grades are not a reflection of intellectual capacity or strength at Babson. They are a reflection of how well you can say exactly what the Professor wants to hear. I am not going to lie, it is a valuable skill, you are going to need it for the work place but damnit Babson, I can’t be doing this all the time! Damn the man.

4. IME NEVER WORKED. Ok, I am a Senior and I have already been through hell. HINT-HINT – I had a female Prof. who taught accounting and the experience was a mix of boredom, slow death, and irony. IME takes SO much out of you, you despise the people that you work with and you neglect the fact that you are supposed to be starting your own business. All these meetings consume your life and all of the sudden your getting blackout drunk through the entire weekend just to cope. You loose time, GDP plummets, Google sinks, the Democrats take over which means the terrorist win and we are all damned to hell.

I’m a senior and this it what I have learned at Babson.

1. COPY EVERYTHING. If you want to start a business, copy someone. Take their idea, but make it better. Acquire a patent so you can stifle competition.

2. OUTSOURCE!!!!!! Outsource dating to a frat, sorority, or sports team. Outsource your knowledge. Why would you ever read if you could get someone else’s cheat sheet and exam from last semester? There’s no point in listening and have someone else in the group do it. Choose the part of the group project that’s focused on the people. Be careful not to choose marketing, because at first it seems easy, but then you have to remember how to use minitab. And never forget what Babson teaches you. It’s cheaper overseas.

4. THE OFFICE OF ACADEMIC SERVICES/ CLASS DEANS IS USELESS. No further comment.

5. MAKE SURE TO HOOK UP DURING FINALS PERIOD WITH A LOVED/LUSTED ONE DURING THIS CRAZY ASS TIME. There’s nothing better than angry sex that’s executed well, take advantage of the stress. Or if you are not getting laid by someone else and getting off is just not the same, hit the Webster center. Working out is a great way to relieve stress.

Well…now it’s time to say good-bye.
If you got through this entire blurb, congrats.

Go grab a beer.
Go finish a paper.
Go download some porn.

Night, Lady Mota

THIS JUST IN!!!! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT from Reverend Esby:

I just met with a faculty member of Babson’s teaching staff.  He knows my identity due to a facebook group.  We talked.  Brace yourself.  A huge surge of power for the student body is about to hit you.
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, they’re reading.  The faculty and administration are trying to listen to what we are saying.
 
SO START SUBMITTING WHAT IT IS HERE AT BABSON THAT AILS YOU!  Tell me what issues you think are fucked up, need to be addressed, or that you have suggestions or solutions for.  ANYTHING!  As long as its something that seriously needs to be changed, we the crapcampus staff will investigate and pursue your best interests as a paying customer at this school.
 
You’ve seen the stickers; Great Product, Horrible Service. 
 
We, with your support, will demand service… on our terms.  Remember that each name on a petition has an annual value of approximately $44,000.  I can’t reveal the complete plan for how this will all go down, but people, I assure you that my business studies in management will be put to a very effective use.  GI Joe always said knowledge was power…

 

Tasty tidbit for y’all:  Wonder why you’re internet speed is so slow and unreliable?  I will investigate this further, but I just received a report that this is due to Babson leasing bandwidth out to local businesses.  Bet ya didn’t know that one.
 
Lets see them put our money where their mouth is.

 

Just a little fyi for all you readers.

While partaking in a lovely study session in oh-so-wonderful Map Hill, I was informed by a resident that the cable is out.  Yes people, every tv is cable free. And you thought an empty hot water heater was bad?  Bust out the DVD’s if you think you’ll be watchin TV.

 

Looks like its either time to break out an antenna or pass out listenin to the white noise of static.

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As the semester comes to an end (thank God!) we are all faced with the same question:

How should I mindlessly waste time while putting off actually studying for exams?

Throughout the semester you probably spent plenty of time on AIM and Facebook and maybe even CrapCampus.com, but now you need more.  And don’t worry, there is.

Here is something that can waste plenty of time:  A snowball fight online game!

Good luck with exams!

(And if you get bad grades, don’t worry.  Top employers have never even heard of Babson, so your GPA won’t even come into play.)