I wanted to say a few things:
Merry Fucking Christmas.
Santa, where are you and where the fuck is my video iPod and PS3?
And lastly what up to all my homies with dreidels. Mazel Tov.
I wrote to college campus because I have been seeing two away messages that capture Babson. The messages are, “Here’s to you stressed out college kid during finals week stuck in your little cubical doped up on aderal and a Starbucks….” and F.uck I N.ever L.earned T.his S.hit = Finals? On point!!!!
Babson drives you crazy during finals because of the following.
1. YOU WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO TAKE AWAY THE 24 HR. LAB. This was our home, Babson. I remember, when I was a Sophomore into my 3rd day that I was awake with my first 15 pager due. I had a Busch Light and my books scattered in the 24 hr. lab. People poured in and out, working on each others frantic energy. It was beautiful. It is what made this school a college. We loved it. Everyone pour one for the 24 hr. lab and always remember smoke mat stoggs right by the entrance so that everyone who walks by can also take it to the lung.
2. TWO DAY READING PERIODS ARE WEAK. If you really want to foster the best performance give us enough time to get belligerent and then study. We need at least 6 days. 3 1/2 days for drinking, 2 days for recovery, then the 5th for cramming. Let’s be honest, most of us pretend we are studying. We sit with our books at Babson parties that are groups of 2+ students who are both on labtops but still able to claim that they are hanging out with each other. My point being, we really get nothing done till it’s crunch time. Two days are weak.
3. GRADES ARE IRRELEVANT. I got my first Babson A this semester. Finally, I was not being judged by this bureaucratic attendance policy but evaluated based on academic exchanges and the passion that I felt for business. Umm, there was a little bullshit but to the credit of the Professor, he was dope. I really never liked going to class here. Listen kids, if you haven’t gotten a D that stands for degree, passed to the right, played ruit, downed a shot of henessy, jack, or tequila, YOU HAVEN’T LIVED. Grades are not a reflection of intellectual capacity or strength at Babson. They are a reflection of how well you can say exactly what the Professor wants to hear. I am not going to lie, it is a valuable skill, you are going to need it for the work place but damnit Babson, I can’t be doing this all the time! Damn the man.
4. IME NEVER WORKED. Ok, I am a Senior and I have already been through hell. HINT-HINT - I had a female Prof. who taught accounting and the experience was a mix of boredom, slow death, and irony. IME takes SO much out of you, you despise the people that you work with and you neglect the fact that you are supposed to be starting your own business. All these meetings consume your life and all of the sudden your getting blackout drunk through the entire weekend just to cope. You loose time, GDP plummets, Google sinks, the Democrats take over which means the terrorist win and we are all damned to hell.
I’m a senior and this it what I have learned at Babson.
1. COPY EVERYTHING. If you want to start a business, copy someone. Take their idea, but make it better. Acquire a patent so you can stifle competition.
2. OUTSOURCE!!!!!! Outsource dating to a frat, sorority, or sports team. Outsource your knowledge. Why would you ever read if you could get someone else’s cheat sheet and exam from last semester? There’s no point in listening and have someone else in the group do it. Choose the part of the group project that’s focused on the people. Be careful not to choose marketing, because at first it seems easy, but then you have to remember how to use minitab. And never forget what Babson teaches you. It’s cheaper overseas.
4. THE OFFICE OF ACADEMIC SERVICES/ CLASS DEANS IS USELESS. No further comment.
5. MAKE SURE TO HOOK UP DURING FINALS PERIOD WITH A LOVED/LUSTED ONE DURING THIS CRAZY ASS TIME. There’s nothing better than angry sex that’s executed well, take advantage of the stress. Or if you are not getting laid by someone else and getting off is just not the same, hit the Webster center. Working out is a great way to relieve stress.
Well…now it’s time to say good-bye.
If you got through this entire blurb, congrats.
Go grab a beer.
Go finish a paper.
Go download some porn.
Night, Lady Mota
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